Over the years I've purchased and been given more devotionals than I care to count. Sometimes I actually finish them, however more often than not they stay on my nightstand and collect dust with the hope that I actually read them. Honestly the idea of a 1 year devotional commitment is more than my brain can handle most days. A year is a long time. So much can change, life can be altered and frankly I just can't digest that right now. I have started them, get through a few weeks, something throws me off and I feel guilty or something and can't pick it back up. I do have a devotional bible, I've used that to choose from at times as it's only 30 days per topic. I have an amazing 365 Devotional that I was going to do... I had a plan, a journal and was going to make the time...well, I missed a morning, then 2, then started getting up and checking social media before and then I would run out of time. That was MONTHS AGO.
I've been struggling so much lately. Struggling to understand things beyond my control. Struggling as a wife, struggling as a mother and honestly struggling as a friend. I have felt like a consumer in friendships lately more than an equal partner. In my own defense we've had some major family things going on and my amazing friends have been there and understood. My faith has been shaken somewhat. I've had a bunch of WHY GOD but no a lot of answers and that is so hard at times.
This past week our littles have moved on, our children are struggling and I feel like a total parental failure. I know rationally that i am not however in these moments I feel like I have failed everyone around me and that is simply ok... why? because it has to be. I can't add anything else to my brain right now so I choose not to. This brings me to my point... 100 Days to Brave.
I think and hope that I can mentally do 100 days right now, I can look forward that far and commit to this book. I am going to bring you all along with me. I actually started reading it on Sunday but because of my amazing guest blogger I am just going to post 2 blogs on Monday to catch me up. Here goes nothing... lets be brave!
"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13
This is the opening and let me tell you. Where I am currently in my life, this meets me. Annie Downs has never disappointment me when it comes to a devotional. Todays challenge is to tell someone that you are taking this journey towards a better life. Well... I am tell you all at once! I've always been a bit of an overachiever I suppose. Being brave means so many different things to me. It means that I need to be strong for my family right now, it means that I need to be able to keep my emotions in check dealing with doctors, social workers, family and everyone else. It means that I need to be able to advocate for my daughters care, and it means that I need to teach her about bravery and love in a different way. I am not a perfect parent. I am barely mediocre some times... I have learned that is ok too. We all struggle in life, it's how we handle our struggles that really matter. I need to learn to lean into my faith more, I need to learn that it is ok not to be ok all of the time. I am looking forward to this next 100 days to help in that.